A New Yorker in Queen Elizabeths Court

Well I am the owner of the happiest birthday boy ever. Gone are the days of peace and quiet, replaced by much trash talking while killing the baddies on spiderman on his new playstation 2. Much love and kisses for the ps2 but it comes with unending carnage. Off for massive munchies so we don't die of starvation before the spideyathon

This is how I feel today, crappy weather and my big fat ass are not making for a happy day. I'm a diabetic in denial acording to my evil doctor.
I have been diabetic since i was about 20, it affects my kidneys the worst. I was put on a course of steroids a few months ago and poof from size 10 to size 100 in just a few months.
I think had I just been getting gradually bigger it would not bother me. But all the meds, and being in and out of hospital, and this stupid weather is getting the better of me.
Hope everyone is having a groovy day. I am off for another injection and an outing with all the evil children...Pray for me

What an evening, went to annes for jambalya night. she and the other god botherers were there defenseless against the onslaught of Rachel and I. Our powers of sin did not let us down and within an hour we had the 5 future female vicars to be discussing threesomes, why men who try to supress women are assholes and picking apart the arguments in favor of zoe and her celibacy thing. Some of our finest work to date I think. Being future vics they tend to be quite churchy, which in small doses is okay. but an entire evening of god and saving my soul would have made me itch. i think they love how badly behaved we are because they by rights are really not in a posistion to be bad very often. So really our sinning for them is a public service I think. Zoe really liked my article on the pope, no editing at all. Quite proud of that, then the final nail in the coffin was when some one who is quite appalling was brought up and none of the vicars could figure out why this evil and not very attractive woman had managed to bag a hottie. I put it down to swallowing lol. I know bad me, but I'd bet money on the fact that she does. Whic naturally led to great to swallow or not to swallow debate. I voted against under any circumstances you could think of. one or two of the vics were cagey though so i think there is a story there

Seven things I want to do:

1. Accept that I am becoming my mom.
2. Do a roadtrip to moscow.
3. Teach my kids to ALWAYS love themselves.
4. Get stoned and look at the northern lights.
5. Shop at Harrods without worrying about what I spend.
6. See America with Max
7. Quit smoking.

Seven things I can do:

1. Charm the socks off almost anyone.
2. Embarass my teenagers.
3. Drive my mom crazy, even at 37.
4. Listen.
5. Be stupid with my kids.
6. Make the perfect sandwich.
7. Lie incredibly well in an emergency

Seven things I can't do:

1. Have blonde hair, tried once it went orange after three bleaches all i got was orange.
2. Say no to cheesecake
3. Tolerate stupidity.
4. Pluck my eyebrows, have to wax.
5. Rollerskate.
7. Eat steak and kidney pie.
8. Dive
Seven things that attract me to the opposite/same sex:

1. Ice blue eyes
2. Their own home, car, and bank account.
3. Good dancer
4. Warmth
5. Boyish charm
6. Letting me be me
7. Brains

Seven things I say most:

1. Hoe (only to Rachel)
2. Blah, blah, blah
3. Stop fighting
4. I'm gonna choke your face(they never actually believe me though
5. I love you
6. Dirty martini please.
7. Someone please deport me.

Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Jeremy Clarkson I know, I can't actually help it.)
2. 50 Cent
3. Stephen Fry
4. Samuel L. Jackson
5. Slash
6. John Cusak
7. John Travolta

Don't know what it is but I have been really down for what feels like ages now. Can't seem to shake my rainy day mood. Got Max the play station 2 yesterday. He is turning eight a week monday and this was all he wanted. According to him I need never buy him anything again if he gets it. so I have of course convinced him that he is getting anything but it lol. see when I tell Max no he goes into negotiation mode. It's outstanding how he tries to bargin, he won't walk away from the table without winning. which I admire to no end. And though he is mot my biological son if I loved this kid anymore then I do I think my heart would burst. He soaks up all my worst habits, copys everything I say which is very bad lol. yesterday while fighting with his 12 year old sister he told her " to check herself before she wrecks herself". okay so I teach him ghetto slang, but in my defense he does sound really cute when he says it. If you ask him what he's doing he gives you a smile that melt you and says "Chillin' like a villian baby" And he has learned to play poker like a pro in only six months. i know it sounds bad but these are life lessons i learned that actually came in handy. he went trough this period where he had sticky fingers and getting him tounderstand that stealing is bad was very hard. He really didn't want to know, thankfully he was not good at it at all. I managed to catch him everytime,and the worst part was he didn't even pinch good stuff lol. it was rubbish stationary supplies from school. I made him bring them back and confess, figuring that would crush it right there. not my boy, he bounced right back and pinched magnets a week later. So this time it was manual labor weekend so he could get a taste of what life was going to be like for him prison. I was sure this was it. But no, once more he stepped into the underworld. This was his biggest score, a stapler, ruler, and pad from my friends house. I started to wonder if he had some underground Office World business going on. It seems he is just obsessed with stationary. ironicly he hates to write lol. What worked in the end was that only in an emergency if he stuck somewhere with nothing to his name and stranded in nebraska is he allowed to pinch anything. And he has been crime free ever since. As long as I never allow him in nebraska ever, ever we should be fine. I still have him penciled in the future felons book, that way I remember to frisk him from time to time just incase.

have a peek...

Don't go too fast today boys and girls, you might miss something.

He was a very special warm and gentle person
Who put in music in the world and spoken in rhyme
And it hurts me that I never really knew him
because all it would have taken was some time

You know he always seemed to be there when I stumbled
And when mountains got to steep for me to climb
And it tears me up to think I never touched him
because all it would have taken was some time

Ain’t that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin’ way too fast or much too slow
Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere
But not gettin’ into someone I should know

Now he’s in another place and I can’t reach him
And I feel as though I’m guilty of a crime
I took all he had to give and gave him nothin’
And all it would have taken was some time

Ain’t that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin’ way too fast or much too slow
Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere
But not gettin’ into someone I should know

Ain’t that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin’ way too fast or much too slow
Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere
But not gettin’ into someone I should know

Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere
Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere
Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere
Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere

Ain’t that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin’ way too fast or much too slow
Gettin’ up, gettin’ high, gettin’ down
Gettin’ no, no, nowhere
But not gettin’ into someone I should know

Ain’t that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin’ way too fast or much too slow

Mobile phones are the work of the Devil

Who is it that you want to speak to while you are choosing between garden peas and sprouts in the produce section of tescos? the answer is no one, but we all get to do it because we all willingly carry these little babies and it means your boss can track and reach you 24 hours a day, never a good idea. your teenagers fighting over the last bag of crips, something you don't really need to know yet they now can ring you while you are escaping to involve you in the great crisp war of 2005, to ask why there is nothing to eat, why can't they have any money, blah, blah, blah. I remember my father giving me this life talk when i was about 10 and he had clearly been high. among his list of things i must never forget, which i haven't was never ever write anything incriminating down. yet i have countless aquaintences who think who i'll have a bit on the side, no harm no foul. and how do they liase with the flavor of the month? through text and email. which often is stumbled upon by people they don't want to se it, like the wife, or husband. my children, lights of my life, and the bane of my existence are amazed that we somehow grew up and had a life at 14 without msn messenger, mobile phones, mp3 players and the many other things they can't bear to be without. the kicker is the 8 year old little girl who lives acros the street form me. she has a contract phone! who are you calling and texting at 8? are you checking your pretend stocks, maybe making an imaginary mortgage payment? where did barbie go? and an after school game of kickball which decided the neighborhood champions of the week? gone are the days of forts, hideouts, even hide and seek. we don't have kids anymore, just little techno babies who think they are 40 when infact they are just 8. when did being 8 become a bad thing?

BEIJING, China (Sept 17, 2005) - By AUDRA ANG, Associated Press Writer.

Laugh all you want, say public hygiene experts at the World Toilet Summit, but the importance of "loos" you can use is no joke.

The three-day event, which began Wednesday in Beijing, is an international commode conference. Some 150 scholars, toilet designers and environmentalists from 19 countries gathered to exchange ideas on topics such as the latest toilet technologies, lavatory management tips and the relationship between toilets and tourism development.

"People are saying 'We want good toilets!' because toilets are a basic human right and that basic human right has been neglected," said Jack Sim, founder of the World Toilet Organization, a co-sponsor of the summit.

China, known for fetid public toilets that often are little more than open trenches, is eager to show off its advances while preparing for the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Delegates to the conference are to be taken on a tour of new and renovated public toilets in Beijing.

But with a packed conference schedule of slide shows, lectures and question-and-answer sessions, there was very little room for humor.

"You can laugh at it for a short time," said Sim, whose group is based in the hyper-clean island nation of Singapore. "But after a few seconds, you should start to pay serious attention to the subject" that affects your quality of life.

The convention is in its fourth year, with Singapore, Seoul and Taipei as previous hosts. Participants this year came from countries as far away as Finland, Japan and the United States.

Photos of showcase lavatories were also displayed at the conference, from a ladybug-shaped one in a public garden to another modeled after a grass hut in a wildlife park. Facilities with baby-changing stations, wheelchair ramps and gleaming white ceramic urinals were also featured.

"New public toilets are an important symbol to demonstrate the development of the city," said Liang Guangsheng, deputy director of Beijing's Municipal Administrative Committee.

In the past three years, Beijing has spent $29 million on building or renovating 747 restrooms at tourist spots, according to the city government.

"The toilets are sanitary, convenient and private," Yu Changjiang, director general of the city's tourism bureau said. The city also aims to make them suitable for users of all ages, for the disabled, and energy and water-efficient.

"People settle for good food, good clothes and good living conditions without paying enough attention to the toilet," Yu said. "Toilet issues are a very important symbol of people's quality of life."

The city has come up with a rating system of one to four stars for its public wash rooms, reportedly based on such criteria as granite floors, remote-sensor flushes, automatic hand-driers and piped-in music.

The capital now has 88 four-star lavatories, 161 that qualify for three stars, 312 for two and 110 for one. Countless others, are perhaps best not mentioned.

Maintenance is as important as construction, said Simon Tay, one of the speakers at the summit.

"It's something that China needs to think about," said Tay, chairman of Singapore's National Environment Agency, a government organization. "I hate the word luxury toilet because really good toilets should be an everyday common thing. It doesn't have to look like the Shangri-La toilet ... in order for it to be something that we can be proud of."

right a bit of a serious note from me. Not my usual I know. I have a friend who is the editor of a newspaper. we got into this discussion at a garden party over the summer about religion. I was the lone catholic amongst a sea of anglicans and various other faiths. We were discussing the new pope and they asked my thoughts. when we were leaving Zoe asked me to write an articel on my thoughts and how I felt about it. I have finished it and would like an opinion and if possible a title ( minds gone blank). Thanks so much

I suspect most Catholics were hoping that our new Pope had big feet, because he has very big shoes to fill. Pope John Paul was an actor before he gave his life to God, so charm and charisma was not an area he lacked in. He had the ability to be exceptionally conservative and staunch without offending the majority. For me as a little catholic I fell in love with his blue eyes and smile, I remember looking at his face and thinking how nice it was. Church was something I looked forward to and got so much from. As I got older I drifted as so many do through my teen years.

It just seemed to be something that sort of faded away, but my love for God and the Pope always stayed. Even when I really disagreed with the policies I still kept my faith in what I believed was basically a good and kind man. But now in my late 30’s my view has moved beyond blue eyes and a nice face. With my catholic eyes I see the people of Africa dying in their millions due to a disease which is easily avoided. I see families who are barely making it with a seemingly unending amount of kids because the Holy Father has deemed birth control a sin.

I have known and lost more people than I care to count who have are living with HIV and aids who find no comfort in their church because our leader thinks and I quote “Although the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered to an intrinsic moral evil, and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder."
-- from Ratzingers "Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons," 1986, as reported by National Catholic Reporter.

I am sure that Mary Magdalene and the many others Jesus befriended and counselled were eternally grateful that he was not as particular about those he associated with like our church is. I have to be honest with you I was hoping that we would have had our first Black or Latino Pope. Someone from Africa, which has become the largest growing population of Catholics in the world today. Or from South America, these are areas that are both hugely catholic and also very familiar with the real problems we face today. Not the price of petrol or council tax is too high type problems. They live with severe poverty, famine, disease, and human rights issues that we only see on the news.
I want a pope who acknowledges women and our roles we have to play in the world. Holy Father we are capable of so much more than you give us credit for. And surprisingly our only role in life is not to produce babies and cook a good Sunday lunch. There are women out here that have a hunger to serve god and their community, who can fill the role of a priest and guide a parish just as well as a man. To keep us in the shadows and put men above us is not actually your job anymore. That post became surplus to requirements a long time ago. I want a pope who will not shun me because I am aware of a condom and use one.

Things will not be easy as the Pope attempts to lead Catholics deeply split between those who want the church to maintain its traditional practices, such as retaining an all-male, celibate priesthood, and those who say the church needs to change to reflect the way they live today and allow contraception and the ordination of women. Many say that Pope John Paul gave the Catholics its best bit of public relations when he apologized to the Jews for our eyes closed policy during the holocaust. He acknowledged the guilt we would have to bear for these actions.
The new pope has his own view on guilt. “Being incapable of acknowledging guilt is the most dangerous form of spiritually arrested development one can imagine, because this in particular makes people incapable of improvement.” Benedict XVI

Yet we seem to have no guilt over the lives lost due to policies that are outdated and no longer apply in any way to today’s catholic. Now to those of you who find comfort in this new leader, I envy you. But I also worry for you, because I may seem like just another disenchanted catholic who has clearly lost her way. But I am also a catholic who has sat with people while they died of aids, who has known people who’ve lost their family to starvation, who lost the church and all it gave them because they had an abortion and told their priest. Yet all is not lost for us, because though we may go against the grain in the Vatican there are those of us who still believe in only one judge. And I have to believe that he loves all of us, even a mouthy little American like me. May God bless you all, even the enforcer.